Sunday, November 20, 2011

Orange you glad I didn't eat you?

So I thought I would buy a whole bag of Oranges last week because they were on sale and I was craving something other than apples or grapes. Yeah, not the smartest choice. I tried one: Thin skin, impossible to peel, almost tasteless and had seeds! So I just kinda let them sit there.

Some things you should know: first... Everything in the kitchen is divided -- nothing is shared. Second...If it doesn't have your name on it, it's the families. Lastly.... if you forgot to put your name on it, it's gone the next day. So my fruit basket I just assumed that everyone knew it was mine, but no, you know what they say about assuming. (actually I don't know what they say about assuming but I do know what they say about assume he he he). For the past month or so I would walk in look at my fruit and say to myself, Didn't I have more plums, and did I really already scarf down all those apples? I really did think it was just me - most of the time - but when you start going through 2 bags of apples in a week, one starts to wonder....

So one day I got home from school and decided for dinner I'll just make myself an orange smoothie and not feel bad for wasting all those oranges (mind you... a full bag. aka 8 or 9) So I walk into the kitchen, try not to disturb 'The couple' aka Brenda and Bruno, head over to my fruit basket, look inside and feel my jaw drop.

At least I wont have to get my hands sticky. all but two oranges had magically "rolled" out of my basket.

I grabbed an orange and sat down at the table across from the couple. I started opening my orange peels when I realized it was quiet.... too quiet. I looked up and my gaze went straight to a large pile of orange peels. I looked at Brenda and Bruno and they both had the same deer in headlights look on their faces. In broken English and a shocked tone, Brenda asked if that was my basket. I said yes, then started laughing my head off. Brenda and Bruno didn't think it was funny. I just couldn't help it. Bruno busted out his handy English to Portuguese translator (iphone) and typed in, "WE ARE SOOO SORRY! WE'LL BUY YOU MORE!" all i could think was, great more oranges that i don't want to eat! so I tried to explain that I don't eat oranges so I typed into his phone, " I don't like oranges, so I won't eat them."

Suddenly they looked at me as if I was O.J. Simpson holding a knife. (ha ha ha ha o.j.). Brenda and Bruno looked at each other then laughed. "Oh you no eat Orange!" wait? what did you think I meant? "What you said, in Portuguese mean you won't eat us." ohhhhhhh ha ha ha ha but if you touch my apples I will! "Don't worry. I won't eat you." yet.... which reminds me....


I laughed my head off at breaking dawn.... someone tried wayyyy too hard.... I AM THE GREAT GRANDSON OF EPHRAIM BLACK... rawr and I eat u! dude, I don't care whose your dady but you need a mint, maybe brush your teeth to get rid of all that plaque, and what is with that creepy smile? Posing as little red riding hood's grandma or something..... BAWAHA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Oh and the babies eyes!!!  Jeepers creepers look at those creepy peepers.... "Don't you think it's so cute!" no, no i don't....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

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